A letter to my absent father
As I wheeled you in a wheelchair I looked into your eyes, I felt no connection. Why should there be?
Like a distant memory... my despair is deep. You and me are but perfect strangers.
This is not a bitter expression in anyway but about feelings I thought I never had.
Sympathy is what I'm really feeling.
As we silently sit next to each other- a loud void cuts the fabric of the unspoken.
Gone before I was born and that's how it's been all my life. I didn't feel like a part of me was missing at all.
Growing up I became aware of how insignificant I felt. I wrestled with identity issues, battled insecurities- and messed up relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I'm not blaming all this on your absence I'm just being real.
A lesson I've learnt in all of this - is that our mistakes don't necessarily define who we truly are.
My heart is not broken, neither is there any disappointments. Truth is I never missed you or needed you. You never crossed my mind.
So why am I here with you after all these years? Where do I get the courage from?
We all mess up and we suck at life. This is my story with every struggle and shortcoming and a long time ago I chose to grow from it.
I don't want to live with regrets like you have...
Because your absence dad has taught me that it's not the end of my story...
Love your daughter,