Thursday, 21 December 2017

A letter to my absent father

Dear Dad
Today I took you to  the hospital.

 As I wheeled you in a wheelchair I looked into your eyes, I felt no connection. Why should there be?
 Like a distant memory... my despair is deep. You and me are but  perfect strangers.
This is not a bitter expression in anyway but about feelings I thought I never had.

Sympathy is what I'm really feeling.
As we silently  sit next to each other- a loud void cuts the fabric of the unspoken.

Gone before I was born and that's how it's been all my life. I didn't feel like a part of me was missing at all.

 Growing up I became aware of how insignificant I felt. I wrestled with  identity issues, battled  insecurities- and messed up relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I'm not blaming all this on your absence I'm just being real.

A lesson I've learnt in all of this - is that  our mistakes don't necessarily define who we truly are.

My heart is not broken, neither is there any disappointments. Truth is I never missed you or needed you. You never crossed my mind.

So why am I here with you after all these years? Where do I get the courage  from?

 We all mess up and we suck at life. This is my story with every struggle and shortcoming and a long time ago I  chose to grow from it.

 I don't want to live with regrets like you have...

Because your absence dad has taught me that it's not the end of my story...

Love your daughter,

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